Whose Head Is It?
How to avoid writing third person perspective with first person narration
Show, don’t tell.
SHOW DON’T TELL!
You’re telling, not showing!!!
This is great, but I feel like you’re telling too much, you need to show more.
All of these are phrases that I am sure just about every writer has heard and even said at least once about their work — I know I have. But what does it actually mean to show and not tell and is it necessarily the best practice far exceeding the reverse of this popular phrase?
Personally, I have found that there are a few different ways to think of show vs tell, but I will only be discussing two in this post.
First: sometimes it is better to tell what is happening rather than show it. Instances where tell can be preferred is in characterization. When you are in the head of a character who is more monotone or mechanical, telling what they are doing and saying and feeling and thinking instead of showing these things may add to these aspects of the character’s personality and temperament. Other times it’s for clarity — especially when it comes to world building (though that’s not a green light for excessive info dumping).
The second, is that telling can make your story more muddled and confusing for readers about how and why the characters operate in the story the way they do. The best example for this is when a story is written from a first person present point of view.
1st POV allows readers to see the story’s world from the eyes of someone in that world. This kind of reader-character intimacy is not as present in stories written from the other point of views (for example 3rd past pov). But how does this tie in with show vs tell?
Instead of just telling you I’ll show an example.
“I wake up and the sun is bright. I tell myself that today is the day I will finally get an A+ in creative writing. My clothes look good and I feel confident in myself. My mom on the other hand says I look like I haven’t slept in weeks. I feel angry that she always tries to tear me down, I am even angrier that I let her change my own opinion of myself. I think to myself that maybe that A+ is not as achievable as I thought.”
Okay, so obviously this example isn’t too terrible, but it feels robotic and detached from what is actually going on. Also, notice how short and fast the scene feels. Where’s the drama. The emotion. The creativity. Aside from what I just mentioned there are three major issues with this that can be fixed by showing instead of telling.
The first issue with this is that it sounds like a third person point of view. We aren’t really in the character’s head even though it is the character narrating the story. This is something that I see a lot in writing — especially in my classes and workshops at university. I myself have written in this style quite a bit even when I’m supposed to be in a character’s point of view.
The second is the environment and what the character is experiencing. And the third is in how the characters interact with each other and how the narrator reacts to their mother. A fixed example of this snippet would look something like this:
“Warmth overtakes my body as the darkness turns to light, gently waking me from my sleep. Today I will finally get that A+ in my creative writing class! I don my favorite pair of jeans and comfiest t-shirt, topping the outfit off with my lucky pair of Vans. Damn, I look good. That A+ is basically guaranteed at this point. I jog down the stairs, excited for what the day will bring until I see the disappointed look on my mother’s face as she waits for me at the bottom. I try my best to ignore her disapproval but her irritated huffs of exasperation force me to pause.
“What do you think? I look good right? I feel so confident my writing is sure to reflect my energy today!” The words tumble out of my mouth in hopes that she’ll forget whatever it is that upset her.
“You think you look good?” She half scoffs half laughs at me. “You look like you haven’t slept in weeks, ugh and your clothes are all wrinkled.”
Devastated by her reaction, I drop my eyes and shuffle to the kitchen so I can eat breakfast. Why does she always do this? I thought she’d be encouraging but clearly whatever is going on she feels like she has to take it out on me.
What if she’s right? How could I ever think that I would be good enough to actually earn that A+?”
This example is much better. With it we can actually see what the character sees and feel what the character feels as well as experience the progression of emotions as the events of the scene unfolds.
I also would like to point out the length of each version of the scene. The tell version is really short, and although we get all of the information we really don’t get a sense of who the character actually is. I for one tend to struggle with meeting word counts when I use the tell method for writing a scene and will often go back through when editing and fill in the blanks with showing. On the other hand the show version is much longer and allows for readers to not only get the relevant information but also the characterization. We also get a better understanding of the mother and mc’s relationship with each other.
Overall writing is something that takes practice and tools to improve. No one starts off as a literary genius, which is why telling is okay. But if you really want your writing to pack a punch it is important to take a look and see where you can improve and what needs to be added. It also comes down to what works for the story and what the characters require.
